My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
