Kiss
Puke
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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