I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
