Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
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walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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