The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
