Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
