I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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