just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
