Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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