you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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