I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
