I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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