Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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