also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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