I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
