My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
