What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
