After last night, I could never be a politician.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
