Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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