apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
