Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm lost and stupid without you.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
