What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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