quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
40s are totally the cure
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
