3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
A bitchslap is in order.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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