morning after pill = breakfast in bed
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
