are you still at the devil's house?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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