I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
