I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
