i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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