I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
