What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
