I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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