she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
