Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
