I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
