your parents love me but you hate me
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
