I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize