I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
