Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
