The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
