Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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