ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
