I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
birth control should be required to get into college
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
