So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
