VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize