I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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