also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
not ubering you a puppy
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
