how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
