Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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