Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
