I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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