pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
