You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
