Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
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There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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