If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
