i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
