I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
