His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
