I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
