you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
false alarm. still invincible.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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