What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
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I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
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