Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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