So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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